Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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