Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
