i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
