I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
