I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
