Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
