I think I just saw someone hide a body.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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