so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
