Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
