happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
