when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
