I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
