The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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