Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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