my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
