I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
