You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
