nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
