Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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