I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
