We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
4 words: hood of his car
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
