then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
