I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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