im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
