what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
