i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
