i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
