Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
