Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
