Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's always time for handjobs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
