sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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