I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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