Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
