Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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