after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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