guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
