It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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