I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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