Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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