I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
