He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
