College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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