Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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