the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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