i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
