well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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