I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize