Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
