im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
