Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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