So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
