Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
