So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
