Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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