Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
