I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
