Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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