After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
