Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
