i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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