she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize