Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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