Whod you bang
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You made out with two different species that night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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