mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
