This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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