she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
