Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
