go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
