did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
