In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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