when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
high people should be assigned attendants
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
