idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
