I wish I could punch you in the face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
