Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we're making bets on your personal life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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