That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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