cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
