Welp...herpes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize