The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
