The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
