I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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