so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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