you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
