its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
