the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
