How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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