i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
