Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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