first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
