I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
