dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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