so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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