Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
