he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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