i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We smell like vodka and hangover
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