taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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