i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
