Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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