Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
