Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
