I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
