I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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