I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
