The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
