i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
