Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
