So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
