It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
