Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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