Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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