Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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