a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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