I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
