I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
