May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
