yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
