I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
