fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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