Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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